Now list to this story I'm singing in rhyme,
I'm sorry this year there'll be no pantomime.
That clumsy Dandini the sad story tells
Since he broke the glass slipper there's no wedding bells.
Halfway up the Beanstalk it's sad for to tell
Our Jack missed his footing and tumbled and fell.
Those old seven dwarfs now please pity their plight
They got seven years for gang raping Snow White.
Aladdin is having no luck with his lamp,
He rubs and he rubs but the wick has got damp.
My dears did you hear about Babes in the Wood?
This deforestation it does you no good.
The three bears and Goldilocks were left to cry,
The furniture broken came from MFI.
O Mother, dear Mother, O what is the use?
An hour before curtain the chef's cooked your goose.
Dick Whittington heard eating rats wasn't nice
So he sautéed the cat and then ate it with rice.
The Beauty was sleeping as up rides young Nick
He couldn't get near her; the thorns were so thick.
The Marquis of Carabas hated the cat
So, Puss got the boot in the end so that's that.
Now you've heard the story that I've sung in rhyme,
So, sod off ‘cos this year there's no pantomime.