The set is a standard Staunton. I much prefer that. I can't get on with these 'Lewis' sets or 'Lord of the Rings' figures. It is of excellent quality, the pieces fitting the hand comfortably, feeling warm, soft.
‘Do you play?’ Her voice is soft and musical, a little husky.
‘Sorry?’ I mumble as I look up at a vision of loveliness.
Do you play...chess?’ She smiles and the sun comes out.
‘Y y yes, not often nowadays. I used to be quite good, at school you know.’ I had been school champion two years running but one doesn't like to boast, especially to such a divine creature.
'Shall we play?" She points at the board. I nod somewhat like one of those dogs in the backs of cars. We take our seats on either side of the beautiful board and I gaze at the beautiful girl.
‘I'm Alex,’ she says, holding out both fists towards me.
‘Peter,’ I reply, touching her left hand gently. She places the black piece on the board before me and puts the white piece from the other hand into the ranks before her. She makes her move without apparent thought.
1. e4
She then does something I did not expect. She gives the clock by the board a smart tap and my clock begins to tick.
‘Oh, are we using that?’ I stammer as I watch the hand ticking round.
'Not if you don't want to,' she says, her full red lips pouting deliciously.
‘It's fine,’ I say, I didn't think we were playing for real.'
'I always play for real,' she replies and the flash of her eyes dazzles me for a moment. I look at the pawn she has advanced. She is bold. I will match her boldness.
1. … e5
I am looking for an open game. I tap the clock.
Again, without seeming to think, her hand moves.
2. d4 exd4
3. c3
The Danish gambit I see. No thank you. Let's keep it an even game.
3. … d5
4. exd5
She lifts my pawn gently to her lips as if to kiss it. My eyes meet hers and I begin to drown in their dark depths. The lashes are long and flutter gently. I am brought back into the real world by the tap of her hand on the clock. Her smile broadens.
4. … Qxd5
A good move I think but then realise that
4. … Nf6
is better. Come on Peter, concentrate.
5. cxd4 Nf6
Better late than never, I suppose.
6. Nc3 Bb4
7. Nf3 Nc6
8. Be2 0-0
9. 0-0
Her long thin fingers, with their blood red nails, caress the king and rook as she castles. She runs them up and down the smooth length of the polished rook and my pulse rises sharply as she licks her fingers thoughtfully.
Concentrate. Now is it best to take the pawn or to move the queen? Yes, the Bishop takes the pawn. Oh no, that's not right.
9. … cxc3
10. bxc3
As she slides the pawn between her lips my libido goes into overdrive and my game goes to pieces.
10. … b6
Not a good move. Bg4 would have been better. Get a grip, Peter, get a grip.
11. c4 Qd8
12. d5 Ne7
I feel as if my mind is running away with itself and my pieces are running with it.
13. Nd4
That stops me developing my bishop on that diagonal. Better change diagonals.
13. … Bb7
14. Bb2 c6
Now why did I do that? I can't think straight. I hope she doesn't take any more pieces for a moment until I can get my heart under control.
15. Bf3 cxd3
16. Re1 Re8
17. Qd3 Rb8
18. Qg5 Ng6
She was threatening Ne6, I had to cover that. What now? She slowly unbuttons the top button of her cream blouse and flaps her hand in front of her as if she feels the room suddenly hot. It is suddenly hotter as she reaches for her next move and shows me the bronzed cleavage between firm breasts and a brief glimpse of the white lace flower where the cups of her bra meet.
19. Nf5 Rxe1
20. Rxe1 dxc4
‘Do you play?’ Her voice is soft and musical, a little husky.
‘Sorry?’ I mumble as I look up at a vision of loveliness.
Do you play...chess?’ She smiles and the sun comes out.
‘Y y yes, not often nowadays. I used to be quite good, at school you know.’ I had been school champion two years running but one doesn't like to boast, especially to such a divine creature.
'Shall we play?" She points at the board. I nod somewhat like one of those dogs in the backs of cars. We take our seats on either side of the beautiful board and I gaze at the beautiful girl.
‘I'm Alex,’ she says, holding out both fists towards me.
‘Peter,’ I reply, touching her left hand gently. She places the black piece on the board before me and puts the white piece from the other hand into the ranks before her. She makes her move without apparent thought.
1. e4
She then does something I did not expect. She gives the clock by the board a smart tap and my clock begins to tick.
‘Oh, are we using that?’ I stammer as I watch the hand ticking round.
'Not if you don't want to,' she says, her full red lips pouting deliciously.
‘It's fine,’ I say, I didn't think we were playing for real.'
'I always play for real,' she replies and the flash of her eyes dazzles me for a moment. I look at the pawn she has advanced. She is bold. I will match her boldness.
1. … e5
I am looking for an open game. I tap the clock.
Again, without seeming to think, her hand moves.
2. d4 exd4
3. c3
The Danish gambit I see. No thank you. Let's keep it an even game.
3. … d5
4. exd5
She lifts my pawn gently to her lips as if to kiss it. My eyes meet hers and I begin to drown in their dark depths. The lashes are long and flutter gently. I am brought back into the real world by the tap of her hand on the clock. Her smile broadens.
4. … Qxd5
A good move I think but then realise that
4. … Nf6
is better. Come on Peter, concentrate.
5. cxd4 Nf6
Better late than never, I suppose.
6. Nc3 Bb4
7. Nf3 Nc6
8. Be2 0-0
9. 0-0
Her long thin fingers, with their blood red nails, caress the king and rook as she castles. She runs them up and down the smooth length of the polished rook and my pulse rises sharply as she licks her fingers thoughtfully.
Concentrate. Now is it best to take the pawn or to move the queen? Yes, the Bishop takes the pawn. Oh no, that's not right.
9. … cxc3
10. bxc3
As she slides the pawn between her lips my libido goes into overdrive and my game goes to pieces.
10. … b6
Not a good move. Bg4 would have been better. Get a grip, Peter, get a grip.
11. c4 Qd8
12. d5 Ne7
I feel as if my mind is running away with itself and my pieces are running with it.
13. Nd4
That stops me developing my bishop on that diagonal. Better change diagonals.
13. … Bb7
14. Bb2 c6
Now why did I do that? I can't think straight. I hope she doesn't take any more pieces for a moment until I can get my heart under control.
15. Bf3 cxd3
16. Re1 Re8
17. Qd3 Rb8
18. Qg5 Ng6
She was threatening Ne6, I had to cover that. What now? She slowly unbuttons the top button of her cream blouse and flaps her hand in front of her as if she feels the room suddenly hot. It is suddenly hotter as she reaches for her next move and shows me the bronzed cleavage between firm breasts and a brief glimpse of the white lace flower where the cups of her bra meet.
19. Nf5 Rxe1
20. Rxe1 dxc4
She rubs my rook between her breasts as she ponders her next move. If I were a dog I would be panting now. I am panting now.
21. Bxb7 Rxb7
22. Bxf6 Qxf6
She does not put the bishop in her mouth, nor is it placed between her breasts. She simply purses her lips.
‘Mate in four,’ she murmurs. I study the board looking for a way out. There is none.
23. Re8+ Nf8
24. Nh6+ Kxf8
With each check her voice grows a little louder until finally…
25. Qd8#
…she pronounces check and mate, standing to leave me, feeling that we have just done that very thing.
'Thank you for the game, Peter. That was lovely.' She wanders off in search of a post-coital cigarette.
‘Hi!’ A man in a lounge suit and open necked blue shirt accosts me.
'I see you've just been playing chess with Alex. I bet she beat you. You must be quite good, you know. Normally she only needs to flash her eyes at the men to put them off. With you she needed to flash her tits as well. I'm John; by the way, she's my wife. Come on, we'll see if we can find you a drink. I'm sure you need it.'
21. Bxb7 Rxb7
22. Bxf6 Qxf6
She does not put the bishop in her mouth, nor is it placed between her breasts. She simply purses her lips.
‘Mate in four,’ she murmurs. I study the board looking for a way out. There is none.
23. Re8+ Nf8
24. Nh6+ Kxf8
With each check her voice grows a little louder until finally…
25. Qd8#
…she pronounces check and mate, standing to leave me, feeling that we have just done that very thing.
'Thank you for the game, Peter. That was lovely.' She wanders off in search of a post-coital cigarette.
‘Hi!’ A man in a lounge suit and open necked blue shirt accosts me.
'I see you've just been playing chess with Alex. I bet she beat you. You must be quite good, you know. Normally she only needs to flash her eyes at the men to put them off. With you she needed to flash her tits as well. I'm John; by the way, she's my wife. Come on, we'll see if we can find you a drink. I'm sure you need it.'